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  • Writer's pictureTroy Rawlings

I'm just too Picky! Is that bad?

Dear Troy, Deep down I want to be with someone but I can’t seem to find the right fit. I spend more time being single than in relationships. I have a habit of finding a range of faults in prospective dates. I sometimes focus on little things which end up being the running joke in my family, ( I'll never go on a second date with them, and still lots of dates and no one has gotten a second one.)

I tell myself I have a hard time meeting the right one for me because I'm just so…picky.

But shouldn't I be?

I feel I'm smart, successful, and independent. I want to partner with someone, loyal, have my shit together, didn't let myself go, fun into music, movies, outdoors, love sports etc.. so what's the issue well...

I find this.. 1) They Want Younger Women

2) The Dating Pool Is Filled With Burned-Out Bachelors If you have never been in a committed relationship married divorced etc.. it's kinda a flag you have commitment issues.

3) Having or mentioning you have Children Can Be Complicated most think its baggage and drama and that is in my case far from the truth. Then get weird if I'm actually good friends with the other parent. I'm looking for a connection, and this is a very hook-up culture, haven't found that many are not interested in anything but that. What do you think Troy???

Sincerely, Ms Too Picky

Dear Ms Too Picky  Well first off I'll say Take a Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath in through your nose... now slowly let it out through your mouth. Now... are you ready? OK... You're not ready. That's it... say it with me "I'm Not Ready" And while I'm sure there are several reasons why you're not ready to start dating, I'm going to to give you the main three I see just by reading your letter. REASON #1 - A HABIT OF FINDING FAULTS Woooooooo Lawd! There is no way for someone to have a winning chance if you're already counting their losses. "Seek and you shall find..." You will always find what you'e looking for. . . It will be impossible for you to find a great guy by focusing on someone's faults. Since no one is perfect you will always find faults without getting to know the actual person. Our faults don't make us. Character is actually everything else about the man. Is he a gentleman? Is he a man of integrity? Is he nice looking? Is he funny? Is he charming? Is he dependable? What are his QUALITIES?  If you take time to notice the qualities he displays then maybe a SECOND DATE will be possible.


Everyone does their best on the first date, even if it's horrible. One date will never be enough time to make a sound decision on whether or not this man is for you. Putting all the weight on a magical first impression is too much for anyone to handle. Keep it casual and fun. Don't look for everything to be perfect or else that's it for the guy. He shouldn't have to make up for years of bad relationships and conquer all of your fears over Sushi. Once again, breathe!!! Enjoy the process of getting to meet a new person who could actual become a great friend if nothing else. and last but not least... REASON #3 - YOU ARE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF I have yet to meet a person who judges people harshly and feels good about themselves at the same time. I have a feeling that you are your own worst critic. Something tells me that part of your dating dilemma is you thinking..."Ok...when is he not going to like something about me??"Be easy on yourself. As you said you have a lot going great in your life. And children are not baggage!They are a part of your beautiful package... that only the right man gets to meet and engage with. Another key thing to remember is that when we get older, not only do our taste in what we do and like change we actually mature. So the man you meet now should not be the young man you met at 21. He has life experiences too that may match yours. You two should have several things in common. But as I said, breathe... don't be scared to meet new people everywhere you Go, and enjoy the moment without looking for a lifetime. All love to you my sister! I hope this helps you. Until Next Time


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