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  • Writer's pictureTroy Rawlings

I keep getting Ghosted!

Dear Troy, I consider myself to be a "cream of the crop" kind of woman. I work hard, stay focused (when I'm supposed too lol) I'm 32 and I have all the qualities of what I believe to be what it means to be a good woman. God is my man first, I'm patient, kind, I'm understanding and supportive. I know how to cook and put 'em to sleep LOL. But I get "ghosted" and passed up ALL THE TIME. I wonder if it's me? Or is it because we live in instant gratification world, no one wants a good woman anymore?  

Signed, Good girl. 

Dear Good Girl,

Thank you for this question! Now for those of our readers who don't know what being "Ghosted" is let me explain. Being "Ghosted" is when someone breaks off all communication with you like you never knew each other. Not just like you never had sex, I mean like you were never born. Like never met you. Sadly I've done that before, and I've had it done to me. . . it feels terrible! And yes there are many men and women out there who really just want instant gratification. Or even just an instant escape from their current Situationship. The great thing about it is that there are ways to find out, at least verbally and by some preliminary actions, who may be someone that wants to be with you just for who you are. That special someone deserving of all your good girl ways and naughty not-so-bad habits. (see my book But Naked Honest)

There are plenty of men who want a good woman, but you have to be willing to wait too. That's right. If you feel that being a good woman entails waiting before you get intimate or have sex with someone, then that requires you to wait too. I think that's the part that we forget. If it's worth having it's worth the wait... on both sides.On your side its easy to start eliminating prospects. Here are two quick ways to test a man's initial intent: I am abstinent. Are you cool with that? First date, over coffee, maybe drinks, at lunch...whenever. Just be real and upfront. If the guy wants to continue to call, text and see you after that he has some noble qualities to consider. (See "The 40 Year Old Virgin". . . no. . . really, go watch it)

No homes for 30 days This is simple. Let every meeting or date you have for the first 30 days be anywhere but either one of your houses. Park, coffee shop, restaurant, movies, beach, downtown, uptown, roundtown. . . wherever you can go to talk and actually get to know each other in a less intimate setting is perfect. Once again, there are plenty of men in this big ole world who have your same core values. Be sure not to limit where you talk to people. He may not be at your church, you may meet him at the grocery store, or bookstore, or at the gas station. . . hey he may work at the gas station. Be you, be open, and enjoy the journey.

Hope this helps, Until Next Time, Troy

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