I don't want to seem Thirsty...

Dear Troy,

I've watched the movie "He's Really Not That Into you" a few times, (great movie). Men and Women will generally show with their actions if they are truly interested in someone. However, women sometimes back off to not seem too aggressive, thirsty or desperate. Are there any exceptions to the rule with men? Can a man be interested and not pursue a woman? Sincerely, Ms. I Can't Read Him

Dear Can't Read Him, I know it's hard figuring out what men are thinking. Especially when the man isn't saying anything! But this is actually a pretty timeless issue with some men.

We men are still mesmerized by a woman's beauty. A man will literally stop in his tracks when he sees a woman he likes. Men have stopped mid sentence like, " Yeah dude mom's in the hospital and... OH MY GOODNESS... Yo do you see that lady right there??? Woooooo..wooo... yeah...ummm what was I saying? Oh yeah... my mom..."  So yes on the initial approach of how to talk to a woman some men can be a bit long-winded, even paralyzed by her beauty and his fear. Fear of rejection mainly. I'm referring to first encounters. Now as for those who may be past that first meeting, and they are friends, or dating and the woman wants to know where she stands, this can be nerve-wrecking for her. Because, like you mentioned, the woman doesn't want to seem too aggressive, thirsty or desperate. I believe it's always a good time to ask a man about his intentions with you.

In my book "But Naked Honest" I give ways to ask the hard questions upfront in a fun, but direct way. If you know you want to be married, and the guy has no intention of ever getting married, you may want to know that in the beginning so you can decide if you want to continue seeing this person. While I don't see anything wrong with a woman approaching a guy she finds attractive and saying hello, I am a bit old school in my belief that the majority of the effort and motivation of pursuit should be made by the man. Men tend to go after what we want. And this pursuit helps the relationship when things may get rocky. As a woman don't you want to be with a man that makes every effort possible to be with you? If you are the one doing all the pursuing, planning and calling...then I hate to sound cliche, but, no... he's just not that into you. Or, he's not ready for a committed relationship. Either way, there are plenty of f... well... you know.